I think of you all the time. I wonder what you would be doing and what you would look like. I think you would look a lot like daddy. I can't believe it has been almost 5 months since I seen and held you. It's just not FAIR!!
I should not have time, I should be busy, busy playing and caring for you. I hate the weekends! I was so looking forward to my weekends with you, family time. I hate when we have snow days! I would rather be at work. Having a snow day is just another reminder of what could have been. I would have stayed home with you.
I miss you every single day, from sun up to sun down. This reality, without you, SUCKS!!
I will love you forever Aidyn Clare!! Mommy
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Undecided...and Still B r o k e n
I haven't written in a while because I've been debating on whether to make my blog private or delete it all together. I don't feel like I can totally write all of my thoughts and feelings because I don't want to offend anyone or make people (family, friends) think I'm referring to them. At times I wish only others in the BLM (baby loss mom) community were reading my blogs and not others. I know my feelings are normal, but I know others who haven't lost a child would not understand and think I'm insane.
Do any of you other BLM's have any suggestions?
Well, we survived one of our firsts without Aidyn. Christmas was especially hard. Last year on Christmas morning we found out we were pregnant with Aidyn. That was the best gift ever! We were so excited, but also very cautious because of our miscarriage that we had three months before. Little did we know, our hearts would be torn to pieces in ten months and our lives would be turned upside down.
This Christmas we went to church and celebrated Jesus's birth. We then came home and closed out the world. We did open gifts that some had given to us in remembrance of Aidyn. I was very grateful for them and so glad they didn't forget him. The worst thing one can do is to forget our baby, Aidyn.
The only gift I wanted was Aidyn. I didn't want to think about how others were gathered together with their families and celebrating with their babies, but how could we not. How unfair it is that we couldn't have our son with us this Christmas. It's a dagger to the heart, twisting, excruciating pain. We went to the cemetery to wish our son a Merry Christ-mas. I wanted so bad to send a sky lantern off in the sky, but it was too windy and it just burnt out. So, this Christ-mas I was thankful for Jesus's birth, God's gift to us, and hoping for him to return very soon so I can hold and be with Aidyn again.
2011 was the best and worst year ever! We hope and pray that 2012 will bring much needed joy into our lives.
I did start a new blog for BLM's. It's called Aidyn's Angels (www.aidynsangels.blogspot.com). I hope to make Angels for other BLM's with their baby's footprints/handprints.
I'll Love you forever baby boy!! mommy
Do any of you other BLM's have any suggestions?
Well, we survived one of our firsts without Aidyn. Christmas was especially hard. Last year on Christmas morning we found out we were pregnant with Aidyn. That was the best gift ever! We were so excited, but also very cautious because of our miscarriage that we had three months before. Little did we know, our hearts would be torn to pieces in ten months and our lives would be turned upside down.
This Christmas we went to church and celebrated Jesus's birth. We then came home and closed out the world. We did open gifts that some had given to us in remembrance of Aidyn. I was very grateful for them and so glad they didn't forget him. The worst thing one can do is to forget our baby, Aidyn.
The only gift I wanted was Aidyn. I didn't want to think about how others were gathered together with their families and celebrating with their babies, but how could we not. How unfair it is that we couldn't have our son with us this Christmas. It's a dagger to the heart, twisting, excruciating pain. We went to the cemetery to wish our son a Merry Christ-mas. I wanted so bad to send a sky lantern off in the sky, but it was too windy and it just burnt out. So, this Christ-mas I was thankful for Jesus's birth, God's gift to us, and hoping for him to return very soon so I can hold and be with Aidyn again.
2011 was the best and worst year ever! We hope and pray that 2012 will bring much needed joy into our lives.
I did start a new blog for BLM's. It's called Aidyn's Angels (www.aidynsangels.blogspot.com). I hope to make Angels for other BLM's with their baby's footprints/handprints.
I'll Love you forever baby boy!! mommy
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