Serenity Prayer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference."

Thursday, June 27, 2013

"So, you must be the busy mom of the house."

The awkward encounters I dread.  One happened today. 

I just arrived home from Aidyn's resting spot and left the garage door open and ran inside real quick.  I thought I heard a knock at the door, but wasn't sure.  I went out into the garage and there was a car parked in the driveway.  The car kind of looked like the next doors neighbors car.  I went around the corner and there was a college age kid standing there, briefcase in hand.  He did not look familiar so I knew he was not one of the neighbors.  The first thing out of his mouth was, "So, you must be the busy mom of the house."  I stood there staring blankly at him (duh, you should know I am a mom, but my baby died!).  I did not say a word.  He then proceeded to say he was going around sharing information about a book program for children and he need to reach out to 50 families for class credit.  He then says something along the lines of which schools we use.  I said none of them.  He then says, "So what age are your children?"  Oh, my gosh! REALLY??? I say we have a child, but he is deceased.  Without hesitation he says, "Oh, I see.  Well, I will show you what I'm doing so you know because I will be in the area often."  So, I stood there letting him tell me what he was doing.  He was rather quick, which I didn't mind at ALL.  He then asked which houses he could stop at in the neighborhood that had children so he could skip the elderly folks homes. 

Oh, how I wish my conversation with him could have been different and with a bare footed, giggly, little boy running around.

Ugh...it just hurts deeply.  :(

Monday, June 17, 2013

White Signs of Grief

 
Thank you Nora's mom!:  http://whitesignsofgrief.blogspot.com/
 


I love you and miss you so much Aidyn!  I will love you forever and always!
Love, Mommy

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Wish, For You

Triggers pop up when I least expect them.  The tears are at the surface and ready to flow at any given second.  This past weekend at a wedding reception (our first since you went to be with Jesus) watching the mother and son dance (and to the song- My Wish by Rascal Flatts) pulled the trigger.  The trigger of emotions and longing for you Aidyn Clare.  I will never get to dance with you at your wedding.  Oh, how I wish I could have that dance with you.  I will wait to dance with you in heaven.
I love you to heaven and back my sweet son, forever and always.  -Mommy

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Oh, God How I Need You


20 months- how can it be?

I love and miss you so very much sweet Aidyn. 

I still can't believe this is our life, one without you.  One where I think over and over again, "My baby died", repeat, repeat, repeat. 

Mother's Day is approaching and I feel the heaviness in my heart. It's so hard to celebrate being a mother or even feel like one when my children are in heaven. 

I love you forever and always- Hugs & Kisses- Mommy

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Missing you

Dear Aidyn,

I can't believe it has been 19 months since I've seen your beautiful face.  I miss you so very much and the longing for you has not ceased.  Learning to live without you is not easy.  We had so many plans for you and we are missing out on so much.  I can only imagine what you would be like today.  I often wonder what kind of personality you would have and oh how I long for your smile, hugs, kisses, giggles, and sweet voice.  Sweet boy, I love you so very much.  Until we meet again.

Love you forever and always,
Mommy

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Another 5th

Oh, sweet boy how I miss you so much.  I miss you more and more every.single.day. It's hard to believe all that I have missed out on, who you would be today.  I try to imagine what you would look like and what kind of personality you would have.  I do know you would be so loved by everyone and bring us so much joy.

My heart breaks a little more today as a very special boy, whom you would have been buddies with, was diagnosed with leukemia.  The 5th always hurts, but it hurts just that much more knowing a little boy has to go through such suffering.  I hope God will heal his body and give him comfort.

I love you forever and always.
Mommy

Saturday, January 5, 2013

16 Months.....I Still Need You


16 months since you were born and went to heaven
16 months since I saw your beautiful face
16 months since I held you
16 months since I kissed your cheek
16 months since I learned what true love was
16 months since my heart was shattered
16 months since I said hello and goodbye

16 months is WAY too LONG. It's still so hard to believe that I have to live the rest of my life without you.

I'll love you forever sweet boy!
Mommy

God doesn't give us what we can handle, he helps us handle what we are given. You Pick Color Sign