My Reality: Planning doesn't always get you what you want/dream for.

I Planned For...I Got.I planned for mommy groups.

I got baby loss support groups.

I scheduled for bring your baby to yoga classes.

I got unpack your grief yoga workshops.

I hoped for new mommy friends.

I got new mommy friends with dead babies like me.

I thought I would get congratulations cards with balloons.

I got condolence cards with sympathy, of course.

I bought diapers, that I won't open.

I have ovulation tests, that I dread having to use.

I saw play dates in my future.

I now have graveyard visits.

I prepared for breastfeeding.

I got engorged breasts instead.

I was dreading sleepless nights.

I get to hide away and sleep all day.

I waited for walks with the stroller through the park.

I get walks with grief instead.

I pictured putting her down for naps.

I get restless nights forever.

I dreamed of holding her in my arms.

Instead, I get to hold her only in my heart.


Written by Lindsey @ www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com

5 years in heaven

5.....you should be a 5 year old, fun, loving, very energetic  boy running around in our home chasing after your siblings.
The hurt & pain are still immensely felt. There are no words to describe it.
I just can't believe 5 years have gone by since I held & kissed your beautiful face.
I love & miss you so very much! Your sister & brother speak your name & know you are a huge part of our family. Oh, how it breaks my heart to hear your sister say she wants you to come to our house and play. She says she wants to see you and hug you. I do too sweetie, me too! Sissy can't wait for your birthday party. She sees your cake decorations and says its for Aidyn's birthday party. What she doesn't quite understand yet is you will not physically be "here" for it. Ugh.....its so very hard!
I love you forever baby boy! My heart aches for you and always will because your the piece of my heart that lives in heaven.
Happy 5th birthday in heaven! I know it will be a glorious day rejoicing with Jesus, angels, all the other babies, & your relatives.
Hugs & kisses sweet boy
Love you to heaven and back
Momma