tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68578924868826308552024-02-07T22:14:45.055-05:00Aidyn ClareKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-79877207928800381392019-07-20T15:34:00.002-04:002019-07-20T15:34:57.987-04:00Hugs from HeavenWhen your little sister writes your name and I find it randomly laying around.❤
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuU7A7fM7hPMOv8HUbLXWOI-6dEMVMzJ1wM5kGoMpJc7oQXO3izwVjjq0S_mkY_WAJoprAtY9HM8vpjaaGRIbWKxfaimbLOX2S2updqwPxrCygm_yUvjjzw6vmSPtmtomyZ4Dg4nK7J4Cn/s1600/20190720_153014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuU7A7fM7hPMOv8HUbLXWOI-6dEMVMzJ1wM5kGoMpJc7oQXO3izwVjjq0S_mkY_WAJoprAtY9HM8vpjaaGRIbWKxfaimbLOX2S2updqwPxrCygm_yUvjjzw6vmSPtmtomyZ4Dg4nK7J4Cn/s320/20190720_153014.jpg" width="320" height="180" data-original-width="1600" data-original-height="900" /></a></div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-60388615327057632132019-07-20T15:28:00.000-04:002019-07-20T15:28:34.290-04:00💔<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmmvcS4CFL04hnbke3Q7-4iB3TEmMazCRHJxX0SYJZhwcFCdUkWnXiEMxa7vWtFNrM_lOaywwvBywgHeVRMLhIN41yXJMRCjkox2Dr7UXO7F7Ch61NvS7EIOabND10XifODO71zyWhzoVK/s1600/loss-of-a-daughter-pin-by-on-grief-recovery-and-poem-grieving-mother-tes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmmvcS4CFL04hnbke3Q7-4iB3TEmMazCRHJxX0SYJZhwcFCdUkWnXiEMxa7vWtFNrM_lOaywwvBywgHeVRMLhIN41yXJMRCjkox2Dr7UXO7F7Ch61NvS7EIOabND10XifODO71zyWhzoVK/s320/loss-of-a-daughter-pin-by-on-grief-recovery-and-poem-grieving-mother-quotes.jpg" width="212" height="320" data-original-width="593" data-original-height="895" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj77ySJAm8__SM25r4TEsWpQz8SABUTYFJ6DmAKHmxo9cbnJrvKRtHEAjannY6o2oZg_5Gcp1k2gdMjmmWgNJAbimDYteppoOp2-F7AJ5KPoNfos_4Qpq_Kl2XhSCFX8mFIxz8ezSnUBmp/s1600/snugglingInfant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj77ySJAm8__SM25r4TEsWpQz8SABUTYFJ6DmAKHmxo9cbnJrvKRtHEAjannY6o2oZg_5Gcp1k2gdMjmmWgNJAbimDYteppoOp2-F7AJ5KPoNfos_4Qpq_Kl2XhSCFX8mFIxz8ezSnUBmp/s320/snugglingInfant.jpg" width="292" height="320" data-original-width="657" data-original-height="720" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfysOJwUo9t8UgoZaIBkLJ8hlRBUb3_N5kWPrWDKhkmzWFpQ4HPnnIQRZOfF26CXpXW_diUhiusVCHoWI47-QYhNu3VMe5Fm4IVDFiLwpHakBAB0OfbADV-PCMhyphenhyphenNxLcsa73aaJE4AOomO/s1600/Take-My-Hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfysOJwUo9t8UgoZaIBkLJ8hlRBUb3_N5kWPrWDKhkmzWFpQ4HPnnIQRZOfF26CXpXW_diUhiusVCHoWI47-QYhNu3VMe5Fm4IVDFiLwpHakBAB0OfbADV-PCMhyphenhyphenNxLcsa73aaJE4AOomO/s320/Take-My-Hand.jpg" width="320" height="256" data-original-width="720" data-original-height="576" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKqXGNksqqI3bbdbtRrZaBC9yor6ZBnh1kGnrjBYhRx7t_zE4u9n0kYcI612a1NyqN91etJWpG-J-ykVTYw0rEEC1P8P4l1TNCBaWVDxaYCpX1KrgwY0TV_2gSctfTXYmIzeJ26p07Nutd/s1600/73479c582fb02bfdbded4ef795f2c1aa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKqXGNksqqI3bbdbtRrZaBC9yor6ZBnh1kGnrjBYhRx7t_zE4u9n0kYcI612a1NyqN91etJWpG-J-ykVTYw0rEEC1P8P4l1TNCBaWVDxaYCpX1KrgwY0TV_2gSctfTXYmIzeJ26p07Nutd/s320/73479c582fb02bfdbded4ef795f2c1aa.jpg" width="256" height="320" data-original-width="236" data-original-height="295" /></a></div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-5590192271112342072018-08-29T15:46:00.000-04:002018-08-29T15:46:37.641-04:00220,752,000 seconds of missing, loving, grieving, & waiting to see your beautiful face in heaven<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-45427646295316060292017-09-04T13:24:00.003-04:002017-09-04T13:24:52.117-04:00Dear Mommy: A letter from Heaven<br />
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Dear Mommy: A letter from Heaven</h1>
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<span id="pf-date" style="color: grey; display: block; float: right; font-size: 0.85em; margin: -1em 0px 1em;">8/25/2017</span><div id="pf-content" style="clear: both; direction: ltr;">
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Dear Mommy,<br />
I know you have a hard time facing each day without me, struggling to make sense of my death. I see you cry before bed each night and in your car on the way to work. I’m so sorry, Mommy.<br />
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I’m sorry I had to leave so soon. I didn’t want to leave you, but please know that although you cannot see me, I am never far away.</h2>
Those chills you get when you are all alone, it’s me giving you a hug. I’m still here, Mommy. I’m right here. Those beautiful rainbows that stop you in your tracks. It’s me saying hello. Those butterflies that flutter around you. It’s me reminding you you’re not alone.<br />
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I hear you say goodnight to me as you drift to sleep each night. You can’t hear me, but I whisper “goodnight” back. I wish you could hear me whisper “I love you” everyday.</div>
I know you miss me with every breath you take. That every joyful moment is also filled with sadness and wonder. Wonder of what I would be like, what I would look like, what I would become. I wish you could see me now, Mommy. I’m happy. I’m free.<br />
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Mommy, I want you to know that I’m okay. I’m at peace now. I know it’s not easy to get through the days, but you keep on going, bringing me with you every step of the way. Thank you, Mommy.<br />
I know one of your biggest fears is that people will forget about me. They haven’t forgotten, Mommy. You keep my memory alive. You say my name and tell my story. I live on through you.<br />
I’m so proud that you are my Mommy. You are so brave, so kind, so loving. Although our time together was short, you always took care of me. Protected me. Loved me. You are such a good Mommy.<br />
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Don’t question if I knew how much you loved me, I knew. I can still feel your love, it reaches me all the way in heaven.</h2>
I know there are days that you think you can’t keep going. Days that you can’t wait to join me, just so you can hold me and kiss me one more time. I know how much you long for that day, but please keep living, Mommy. I want you to live, to smile, to feel joy. You don’t need to feel guilty when you’re happy. I like to see you smile. I love the sound of your laugh.<br />
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Please keep going. Keep carrying me with you in all that you do. I promise I’m here, Mommy. I’m waiting here for you. I will always be with you, sending my love from heaven, until you can hold me again.<br />
Don’t let go, Mommy. I live on through you. I’m a part of you. I love you.<br />
Save<br />
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http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/08/dear-mommy-letter-heaven/<br />
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<br />Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-13861500225988263762017-09-04T13:13:00.001-04:002017-09-04T13:13:59.415-04:006 YearsStill.....<br />
<br />
Wanting- You here with us on earth and in my arms.<br />
Missing- Everything about you and who you would be today.<br />
Wondering- What you would look like and your likes and dislikes.<br />
Wishing- I could turn back time to have you in my arms again. Hold you longer, kiss you more, and take you all in.<br />
Loving- You forever and always.<br />
Waiting- Until that glorious day when I can see and hold you again.<br />
<br />
Happy 6th birthday in Heaven sweet boy. 9/5/11<br />
I'm loving and missing you intensely. My heart aches for you still. <br />
I love you forever and always.<br />
MommaKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-82465912078944678752016-09-04T12:44:00.000-04:002016-09-04T12:44:23.815-04:00My Reality: Planning doesn't always get you what you want/dream for.<strong><u>I Planned For...I Got.</u></strong><span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
planned for mommy groups.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I got
baby loss support groups.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
scheduled for bring your baby to yoga classes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I got
unpack your grief yoga workshops.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I hoped
for new mommy friends.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I got
new mommy friends with dead babies like me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
thought I would get congratulations cards with balloons.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I got
condolence cards with sympathy, of course.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
bought diapers, that I won't open. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I have
ovulation tests, that I dread having to use. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I saw
play dates in my future.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I now
have graveyard visits. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
prepared for breastfeeding.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I got
engorged breasts instead. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I was
dreading sleepless nights.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I get
to hide away and sleep all day. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
waited for walks with the stroller through the park.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I get
walks with grief instead. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
pictured putting her down for naps.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I get
restless nights forever. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">I
dreamed of holding her in my arms.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">Instead,
I get to hold her only in my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: MarkerFelt-Thin; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">Written by Lindsey @ <a href="http://www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com/">www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com</a></span>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-5189633804296371312016-09-04T12:22:00.000-04:002016-09-04T12:22:38.740-04:005 years in heaven5.....you should be a 5 year old, fun, loving, very energetic boy running around in our home chasing after your siblings.<br />
The hurt & pain are still immensely felt. There are no words to describe it.<br />
I just can't believe 5 years have gone by since I held & kissed your beautiful face.<br />
I love & miss you so very much! Your sister & brother speak your name & know you are a huge part of our family. Oh, how it breaks my heart to hear your sister say she wants you to come to our house and play. She says she wants to see you and hug you. I do too sweetie, me too! Sissy can't wait for your birthday party. She sees your cake decorations and says its for Aidyn's birthday party. What she doesn't quite understand yet is you will not physically be "here" for it. Ugh.....its so very hard!<br />
I love you forever baby boy! My heart aches for you and always will because your the piece of my heart that lives in heaven.<br />
Happy 5th birthday in heaven! I know it will be a glorious day rejoicing with Jesus, angels, all the other babies, & your relatives.<br />
Hugs & kisses sweet boy<br />
Love you to heaven and back<br />
Momma<br />
<br />Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-47299489659198720652013-07-28T18:43:00.000-04:002013-07-28T18:43:48.454-04:00I got a front row seat, To the longest wait<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/TBEOc2zZREU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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<a class="postImg" href="http://iheartinspiration.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/No-one-else-will-ever-know-the-strength-of-my-love-for-you-after-all-youre-the-only-one-who-knows-what-my-heart-sounds-like-from-the-inside.jpg" rel="prettyPhoto[pp_gal]" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside"><img alt="No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside" border="0" height="222" src="http://iheartinspiration.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/No-one-else-will-ever-know-the-strength-of-my-love-for-you-after-all-youre-the-only-one-who-knows-what-my-heart-sounds-like-from-the-inside.jpg" style="-moz-box-shadow: 0 1px 2px rgba(34, 25, 25, 0.4); -webkit-box-shadow: 0 1px 3px rgba(34, 25, 25, 0.4); background: rgb(255, 255, 255); box-shadow: 0px 1px 3px rgba(34,25,25,0.4); opacity: 0.8; padding: 5px;" width="450" /></a><a href="http://iheartinspiration.com/quotes/no-one-else-will-ever-know-the-strength-of-my-love-for-you-after-all-youre-the-only-one-who-knows-what-my-heart-sounds-like-from-the-inside/"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">http://iheartinspiration.com/quotes/no-one-else-will-ever-know-the-strength-of-my-love-for-you-after-all-youre-the-only-one-who-knows-what-my-heart-sounds-like-from-the-inside/</span></a><br />
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<img alt="Heaven and Earth // Buy your own at www.shopsmallbird.com" class="ecxaligncenter ecxsize-medium ecxwp-image-10361" height="640" src="https://col129.mail.live.com/Handlers/ImageProxy.mvc?bicild=&canary=b%2brtEXyU83Is%2fSXs7uSdGe1qN7hZQWh7H0jCIQ7b8jA%3d0&url=http%3a%2f%2fsmallbirdstudios.com%2fwp-content%2fplugins%2fdynpicwatermark%2fDynPicWaterMark_ImageViewer.php%3fpath%3d2013%2f07%2fIMG_2215-720x838.jpg" width="547" /><br />
<a href="http://smallbirdstudios.storenvy.com/"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">http://smallbirdstudios.storenvy.com/</span></a><br />
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I love you to heaven and back Aidyn Clare! The WAIT is torture, but oh what a glorious day it will be when the day comes when I get to hold you in my arms again!<br />
-MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-7841298213038480912013-06-27T13:45:00.000-04:002013-06-27T13:45:42.758-04:00"So, you must be the busy mom of the house."The awkward encounters I dread. One happened today. <br />
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I just arrived home from Aidyn's resting spot and left the garage door open and ran inside real quick. I thought I heard a knock at the door, but wasn't sure. I went out into the garage and there was a car parked in the driveway. The car kind of looked like the next doors neighbors car. I went around the corner and there was a college age kid standing there, briefcase in hand. He did not look familiar so I knew he was not one of the neighbors. The first thing out of his mouth was, "So, you must be the busy mom of the house." I stood there staring blankly at him (duh, you should know I am a mom, but my baby died!). I did not say a word. He then proceeded to say he was going around sharing information about a book program for children and he need to reach out to 50 families for class credit. He then says something along the lines of which schools we use. I said none of them. He then says, "So what age are your children?" Oh, my gosh! REALLY??? I say we have a child, but he is deceased. Without hesitation he says, "Oh, I see. Well, I will show you what I'm doing so you know because I will be in the area often." So, I stood there letting him tell me what he was doing. He was rather quick, which I didn't mind at ALL. He then asked which houses he could stop at in the neighborhood that had children so he could skip the elderly folks homes. <br />
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Oh, how I wish my conversation with him could have been different and with a bare footed, giggly, little boy running around.<br />
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Ugh...it just hurts deeply. :(Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-83901135178922596182013-06-17T12:21:00.003-04:002013-06-17T12:21:32.395-04:00White Signs of Grief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thank you Nora's mom!: <a href="http://whitesignsofgrief.blogspot.com/">http://whitesignsofgrief.blogspot.com/</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggq8VwM5XxADHsZG1J6AmemmNg4wpwclKgP_sGBtXJDwWG88R5TjOzNJLAgqaiw4u5oLVShP0YEc4pvlc7T623AQegJ1Op253eYeHbAqlxtuan8AVnbOJLcn6TS4EoDnNhUpoDbo2OhocV/s1600/IMG_20130610_114554_616-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggq8VwM5XxADHsZG1J6AmemmNg4wpwclKgP_sGBtXJDwWG88R5TjOzNJLAgqaiw4u5oLVShP0YEc4pvlc7T623AQegJ1Op253eYeHbAqlxtuan8AVnbOJLcn6TS4EoDnNhUpoDbo2OhocV/s320/IMG_20130610_114554_616-1.jpg" width="184" /></a></div>
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I love you and miss you so much Aidyn! I will love you forever and always!<br />
Love, MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-7464349076077695312013-05-22T10:42:00.001-04:002013-05-22T10:42:48.674-04:00My Wish, For YouTriggers pop up when I least expect them. The tears are at the surface and ready to flow at any given second. This past weekend at a wedding reception (our first since you went to be with Jesus) watching the mother and son dance (and to the song- My Wish by Rascal Flatts) pulled the trigger. The trigger of emotions and longing for you Aidyn Clare. I will never get to dance with you at your wedding. Oh, how I wish I could have that dance with you. I will wait to dance with you in heaven.<br />
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I love you to heaven and back my sweet son, forever and always. -MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-11455684648944807962013-05-05T21:53:00.001-04:002013-05-05T21:53:16.632-04:00Oh, God How I Need You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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20 months- how can it be? <br />
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I love and miss you so very much sweet Aidyn. <br />
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I still can't believe this is our life, one without you. One where I think over and over again, "My baby died", repeat, repeat, repeat. <br />
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Mother's Day is approaching and I feel the heaviness in my heart. It's so hard to celebrate being a mother or even feel like one when my children are in heaven. <br />
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I love you forever and always- Hugs & Kisses- Mommy<br />
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Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-63610949978039848372013-04-06T10:50:00.001-04:002013-04-06T10:50:27.643-04:00Missing youDear Aidyn, <br />
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I can't believe it has been 19 months since I've seen your beautiful face. I miss you so very much and the longing for you has not ceased. Learning to live without you is not easy. We had so many plans for you and we are missing out on so much. I can only imagine what you would be like today. I often wonder what kind of personality you would have and oh how I long for your smile, hugs, kisses, giggles, and sweet voice. Sweet boy, I love you so very much. Until we meet again. <br />
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Love you forever and always, <br />
MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-14090202230485713692013-02-05T21:40:00.000-05:002013-02-05T21:40:06.155-05:00Another 5thOh, sweet boy how I miss you so much. I miss you more and more every.single.day. It's hard to believe all that I have missed out on, who you would be today. I try to imagine what you would look like and what kind of personality you would have. I do know you would be so loved by everyone and bring us so much joy.<br />
<br />
My heart breaks a little more today as a very special boy, whom you would have been buddies with, was diagnosed with leukemia. The 5th always hurts, but it hurts just that much more knowing a little boy has to go through such suffering. I hope God will heal his body and give him comfort.<br />
<br />
I love you forever and always.<br />
MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-1843460063832065782013-01-05T15:09:00.002-05:002013-01-05T15:09:52.440-05:0016 Months.....I Still Need You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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16 months since you were born and went to heaven<br />
16 months since I saw your beautiful face<br />
16 months since I held you<br />
16 months since I kissed your cheek<br />
16 months since I learned what true love was<br />
16 months since my heart was shattered<br />
16 months since I said hello and goodbye<br />
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16 months is WAY too LONG. It's still so hard to believe that I have to live the rest of my life without you.<br />
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I'll love you forever sweet boy! <br />
Mommy<br />
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<img alt="God doesn't give us what we can handle, he helps us handle what we are given. You Pick Color Sign" id="bigImage" src="http://img2.etsystatic.com/008/0/5451372/il_570xN.373909358_4rde.jpg" style="width: 430px;" /><a class="swap-link-if-user js-join" href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/112051021/vinyl-wall-decal-quote-you-never-know?ref=sr_gallery_32&ga_search_query=wall+decal+quote&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all" target="_blank"></a>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-80476102079964401682012-10-16T20:31:00.001-04:002012-10-16T20:31:20.419-04:00Grief is not a disease<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8-PIm9oq0S8/T9T28wcC7SI/AAAAAAAABeg/AtVFO6Y7Nxc/s400/Grief.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" closure_uid_4z88qf="3" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8-PIm9oq0S8/T9T28wcC7SI/AAAAAAAABeg/AtVFO6Y7Nxc/s320/Grief.png" width="256" /></a>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-82779444687599007452012-02-02T20:05:00.000-05:002012-02-02T20:05:10.529-05:00Crocodile Tears<iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" id="twttrHubFrame" name="twttrHubFrame" scrolling="no" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets/hub.1326407570.html" style="height: 10px; position: absolute; top: -9999em; width: 10px;" tabindex="0"></iframe><u>Missing You....Here comes the Crocodile Tears</u><br />
Curled up in your rocking chair, crying crocodile tears.<br />
All of your things surround me, motionless.<br />
My arms ache for you.<br />
My heart doesn't beat the same. <br />
I can't believe your gone.....still. <br />
The phantom kicks have faded, oh how cruel those are. <br />
A few pictures, a few items, a few memories, is all that is left. <br />
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<u>THE Store...First Encounters</u><br />
Walking into the store. <br />
Am I going to see someone I haven't seen yet. <br />
Heart starts to race. <br />
I see her, it's going to be okay, just get it over with. <br />
She looks my way, then looks away. (feel like I have in bold face letters on my forehead MY BABY DIED)<br />
Walking down the isle, on a mission, to get in and get out. <br />
I look down the isle and there is someone I didn't expect to see. <br />
She hasn't acknowledged our loss. <br />
Eye contact. Oh, shoot.<br />
I said hi and she said hi back. <br />
I walk fast. <br />
Grab what I need and head to check out. <br />
All the while hoping she doesn't come find me. <br />
Why would she? She didn't even send a card. Why bother now? <br />
Heart racing. Just get me out of here. <br />
Maybe I should just put the item down and walk out the door.<br />
Long line. <br />
"I can help you over here." <br />
Oh, thank goodness. <br />
I have the correct change in hand and I'm out of there. <br />
Don't know if I will go there again. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"> "Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother<br />
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors<br />
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no<br />
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby<br />
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The sharp knife of a short life<br />
Well, I've had just enough time"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>'Holding onto Hope'</strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>There's got to be more to LIFE than THIS.</strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'll love you forever baby boy!! Mommy</div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-60488950175131524822012-01-28T10:03:00.000-05:002012-01-28T10:03:15.789-05:00Who You'd Be Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/2Ne3cz9eUsQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>I think of you all the time. I wonder what you would be doing and what you would look like. I think you would look a lot like daddy. I can't believe it has been almost 5 months since I seen and held you. It's just not FAIR!! <br />
I should not have time, I should be busy, busy playing and caring for you. I hate the weekends! I was so looking forward to my weekends with you, family time. I hate when we have snow days! I would rather be at work. Having a snow day is just another reminder of what could have been. I would have stayed home with you. <br />
I miss you every single day, from sun up to sun down. This reality, without you, SUCKS!! <br />
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I will love you forever Aidyn Clare!! MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-86690819221115470762012-01-01T10:58:00.000-05:002012-01-01T10:58:58.456-05:00Undecided...and Still B r o k e nI haven't written in a while because I've been debating on whether to make my blog private or delete it all together. I don't feel like I can totally write all of my thoughts and feelings because I don't want to offend anyone or make people (family, friends) think I'm referring to them. At times I wish only others in the BLM (baby loss mom) community were reading my blogs and not others. I know my feelings are normal, but I know others who haven't lost a child would not understand and think I'm insane. <br />
Do any of you other BLM's have any suggestions?<br />
<br />
Well, we survived one of our firsts without Aidyn. Christmas was especially hard. Last year on Christmas morning we found out we were pregnant with Aidyn. That was the best gift ever! We were so excited, but also very cautious because of our miscarriage that we had three months before. Little did we know, our hearts would be torn to pieces in ten months and our lives would be turned upside down. <br />
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This Christmas we went to church and celebrated Jesus's birth. We then came home and closed out the world. We did open gifts that some had given to us in remembrance of Aidyn. I was very grateful for them and so glad they didn't forget him. The worst thing one can do is to forget our baby, Aidyn.<br />
The only gift I wanted was Aidyn. I didn't want to think about how others were gathered together with their families and celebrating with their babies, but how could we not. How unfair it is that we couldn't have our son with us this Christmas. It's a dagger to the heart, twisting, excruciating pain. We went to the cemetery to wish our son a Merry Christ-mas. I wanted so bad to send a sky lantern off in the sky, but it was too windy and it just burnt out. So, this Christ-mas I was thankful for Jesus's birth, God's gift to us, and hoping for him to return very soon so I can hold and be with Aidyn again.<br />
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2011 was the best and worst year ever! We hope and pray that 2012 will bring much needed joy into our lives. <br />
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I did start a new blog for BLM's. It's called Aidyn's Angels (<a href="http://www.aidynsangels.blogspot.com/">www.aidynsangels.blogspot.com</a>). I hope to make Angels for other BLM's with their baby's footprints/handprints. <br />
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I'll Love you forever baby boy!! mommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-41964440724671202032011-12-10T15:38:00.000-05:002011-12-10T15:38:48.499-05:00the 9th, another horrible dayFriday, December 9th was 3 months since we buried our precious son. I get sick to my stomach thinking of his body being underground. ugh...hate it!<br />
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I've been wanting to make something to put on his grave. Finally I decided I would make a wreath. I made the wreath today and I think it turned out great. Way better than one we would have boughten at the store. Nothing is perfect enough for him or ever will be.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMsOakFMTZgs0CoZevryB6dkLNC5zU528x39eQTROU7xXmNwuxvA68DiViSDmn8vteSMbx5cfGwJ15tU_vMVRYbBm1JNfQ3HylCjVpkrYp4xoyeZaOMPtcdiYQPQjkBIltlv55LdQBj1yI/s1600/IMAG0205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMsOakFMTZgs0CoZevryB6dkLNC5zU528x39eQTROU7xXmNwuxvA68DiViSDmn8vteSMbx5cfGwJ15tU_vMVRYbBm1JNfQ3HylCjVpkrYp4xoyeZaOMPtcdiYQPQjkBIltlv55LdQBj1yI/s320/IMAG0205.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I love you to the moon and back Aidyn Clare! Even that does not even begin to describe how much I love you. But do know that Mommy will love you forever!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-23349661148998870302011-12-04T20:50:00.000-05:002011-12-04T20:50:08.223-05:00Our Reality....Our Baby Boy Died<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEE9O4MzIIJnXugyatUdRH94ODLjLgbRjtr-E942OLjWs1fBIfw5t5VU8mVNVPIqfjMyTYIl-FGYXNuVHZ7PFf-V9hu48QKlDv89z6drT1BdMtb_W7M596otmrQaMdgXHzphZUgJnr6ex6/s1600/IMAG0193.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEE9O4MzIIJnXugyatUdRH94ODLjLgbRjtr-E942OLjWs1fBIfw5t5VU8mVNVPIqfjMyTYIl-FGYXNuVHZ7PFf-V9hu48QKlDv89z6drT1BdMtb_W7M596otmrQaMdgXHzphZUgJnr6ex6/s320/IMAG0193.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>So today is the 4th again. The 4th of every month will always be a reminder of the last day Aidyn was alive. Tomorrow is the 5th, 13 weeks or 3 months since he has been gone. The pain is still really intense at times. Our reality is that there will always be a void in our lives. We will always miss Aidyn and wonder what it would be like with him here. We will never "get over it" no matter how much time goes by. <br />
I try to block stuff out so I can manage to do everyday activities, but it's impossible. While in the store today I just happened to see a guy with a baby that looked to be about how old Aidyn would be. Tears instantly filled my eyes. Scott should have been holding Aidyn while we were shopping. Our new normal SUCKS!!! No one would even know that we are parents and that hurts, but we are Aidyn's and I wouldn't change that for the world.<br />
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</div>Today we went to the zoo to check out the baby memorial garden. We are going to purchase a memorial brick to be placed in the garden. We had the zoo to ourselves, which was nice in regards to my emotional state of mind.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I'm hanging onto Hope and Jesus Christ!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'll love and miss you forever Aidyn Clare!! Love Mommy</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-15019759917485074222011-11-25T10:43:00.000-05:002011-11-25T10:43:39.836-05:00Giving ThanksThanksgiving was hard, but we made it through. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnxu5ekx2vdxlBFuFbYnmDEWOzK4nOe7Beji-9TK-tK-YmmPSJVZPTnKG9bXI8s9vAHz90jVTSVGcXy9QSw9WdeTBNBgXAVSvLkWxsT_E5D2XTKm6J9WC_fcWA_0eHxfz2jzCTCK67x9US/s1600/untitled.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnxu5ekx2vdxlBFuFbYnmDEWOzK4nOe7Beji-9TK-tK-YmmPSJVZPTnKG9bXI8s9vAHz90jVTSVGcXy9QSw9WdeTBNBgXAVSvLkWxsT_E5D2XTKm6J9WC_fcWA_0eHxfz2jzCTCK67x9US/s1600/untitled.png" /></a>I have a lot to be thankful for even though my heart is in heaven. Most of all, I am very thankful for Aidyn Clare. Thankful for being his mother and carrying him in my womb for 39 weeks and 4 days. It's hard living without him! <br />
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, and when I reach heaven, my baby you'll still be! <br />
I love you Aidyn Clare! <3 Mommy<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Aidyn's name in the sand</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2011/11/aidyn-clare.html">http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2011/11/aidyn-clare.html</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-59325464755154234652011-11-20T14:24:00.000-05:002011-11-20T14:24:05.098-05:00Jesus, Bring the Rain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/e8HgAVenbUU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
My new normal.....<br />
<br />
1. My new normal is waking up every morning to silence and thinking of my son.<br />
<br />
2. My new normal is wondering when I will feel happiness again.<br />
<br />
3. My new normal is visiting my son at his grave everyday.<br />
<br />
4. My new normal is asking why? and what if? <br />
<br />
5. My new normal is being angry that others get to have there children and I don't. <br />
<br />
6. My new normal is not being able to express my true feelings to others because they don't "get it". I don't want them to think I'm "crazy".<br />
<br />
7. My new normal is searching blogs to find others who share the same pain. <br />
<br />
8. My new normal is wishing the days away. <br />
<br />
9. My new normal is wondering how I'm going to feel from minute to minute.<br />
<br />
10. My new normal is being angry when others don't mention Aidyn, but then angry when they want to talk about him as if they know how I feel. <br />
<br />
11. My new normal is searching for things to buy to put on his grave, for holidays, and for his birthday.<br />
<br />
12. My new normal is wondering how I'm going to live without Aidyn.<br />
<br />
13. My new normal is having regrets of things I wish I would have done while I had the chance: change his diaper, bathed him, looked at his whole body, sung to him, rocked him, held him longer, took lots of pictures, <br />
<br />
14. My new normal is wishing this was all a really bad dream.<br />
<br />
15. My new normal is wondering what he would look like and be doing at 10 weeks and 6 days old, today.<br />
<br />
16. My new normal is reading books on grief and finding hope.<br />
<br />
17. My new normal is trying to accept my new normal.<br />
<br />
18. My new normal is reliving our tragedy everyday. <br />
<br />
19. My new normal is feeling excruciating, emotional, pain for the loss of my son, Aidyn Clare whom I love soooo very much. <br />
<br />
20. My new normal is being a mother to a baby in heaven and trying to figure out how I can still be a mother here on earth to Aidyn.<br />
<br />
I love you Aidyn Clare! Love MommyKimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-27647515370678182842011-11-13T11:25:00.000-05:002011-11-13T11:25:49.745-05:00What Makes a Mother?<div align="center"><em><span style="color: mediumvioletred; font-family: verdana;"><strong>What Makes a Mother?</strong></span></em></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color: mediumvioletred; font-family: Verdana;">author: unknown</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><em><span style="color: mediumvioletred; font-family: verdana;"><strong>I thought of you and closed my eyes <br />
And prayed to God today <br />
I asked "What makes a Mother?" <br />
And I know I heard Him say. <br />
<br />
"A Mother has a baby" <br />
This we know is true <br />
"But God can you be a Mother, <br />
When your baby's not with you?" <br />
<br />
"Yes, you can," He replied <br />
With confidence in His voice <br />
"I give many women babies, <br />
When they leave is not their choice. <br />
<br />
Some I send for a lifetime, <br />
And others for the day. <br />
And some I send to feel your womb, <br />
But there's no need to stay." <br />
<br />
"I just don't understand this God <br />
I want my baby to be here." <br />
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, <br />
And then I saw the tear. <br />
<br />
"I wish I could show you, <br />
What your child is doing today. <br />
If you could see your child's smile, <br />
With all the other children and say... <br />
<br />
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, <br />
Of love and life and fear. <br />
My Mommy loved me oh so much, <br />
I got to come straight here. <br />
<br />
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, <br />
Who had so much love for me. <br />
I learned my lessons very quickly, <br />
My Mommy set me free. <br />
<br />
I miss my Mommy oh so much, <br />
But I visit her every day. <br />
When she goes to sleep, <br />
On her pillow's where I lay <br />
<br />
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, <br />
And whisper in her ear. <br />
Mommy don't be sad today, <br />
I'm your baby and I'm here.' <br />
<br />
"So you see my dear sweet ones, <br />
your children are okay. <br />
Your babies are born here in My home, <br />
And this is where they'll stay. <br />
<br />
They'll wait for you with Me, <br />
Until your lesson's through. <br />
And on the day that you come home <br />
they'll be at the gates for you. <br />
<br />
So now you see what makes a Mother, <br />
It's the feeling in your heart <br />
it's the love you had so much of <br />
Right from the very start <br />
<br />
Though some on earth may not realize, <br />
you are a Mother. <br />
Until their time is done. <br />
They'll be up here with Me one day <br />
and know that you are the best one!"</strong></span></em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color: mediumvioletred; font-family: Verdana;">Mommy Loves you FOREVER Aidyn Clare! I Miss You every second of everyday!</span></em></strong></div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6857892486882630855.post-57456454201812935862011-11-06T12:44:00.000-05:002011-11-06T12:44:29.912-05:00I CAN ONLY IMAGINE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/0xwzItqYmII?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I love you FOREVER, Aidyn Clare! Mommy can't wait until the day I hold you again!</div>Kimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09643780768041940604noreply@blogger.com0