Hugs from Heaven

When your little sister writes your name and I find it randomly laying around.❤

💔

220,752,000 seconds of missing, loving, grieving, & waiting to see your beautiful face in heaven

Dear Mommy: A letter from Heaven

stillstandingmag.com/2017/08/dear-mommy-letter-heaven/

8/25/2017

Dear Mommy,
I know you have a hard time facing each day without me, struggling to make sense of my death.  I see you cry before bed each night and in your car on the way to work.  I’m so sorry, Mommy.

I’m sorry I had to leave so soon.  I didn’t want to leave you, but please know that although you cannot see me, I am never far away.

Those chills you get when you are all alone, it’s me giving you a hug.  I’m still here, Mommy.  I’m right here. Those beautiful rainbows that stop you in your tracks.  It’s me saying hello.   Those butterflies that flutter around you.  It’s me reminding you you’re not alone.

I hear you say goodnight to me as you drift to sleep each night.  You can’t hear me, but I whisper “goodnight” back.  I wish you could hear me whisper “I love you” everyday.

I know you miss me with every breath you take.  That every joyful moment is also filled with sadness and wonder.  Wonder of what I would be like, what I would look like, what I would become.  I wish you could see me now, Mommy.  I’m happy.  I’m free.

Mommy, I want you to know that I’m okay.  I’m at peace now.  I know it’s not easy to get through the days, but you keep on going, bringing me with you every step of the way.  Thank you, Mommy.
I know one of your biggest fears is that people will forget about me.  They haven’t forgotten, Mommy.  You keep my memory alive.  You say my name and tell my story.  I live on through you.
I’m so proud that you are my Mommy.  You are so brave, so kind, so loving.  Although our time together was short, you always took care of me.  Protected me.  Loved me.  You are such a good Mommy.

Don’t question if I knew how much you loved me, I knew.  I can still feel your love, it reaches me all the way in heaven.

I know there are days that you think you can’t keep going.  Days that you can’t wait to join me, just so you can hold me and kiss me one more time.  I know how much you long for that day, but please keep living, Mommy.  I want you to live, to smile, to feel joy.  You don’t need to feel guilty when you’re happy.  I like to see you smile. I love the sound of your laugh.

Please keep going.  Keep carrying me with you in all that you do.  I promise I’m here, Mommy.  I’m waiting here for you.  I will always be with you, sending my love from heaven, until you can hold me again.
Don’t let go, Mommy.  I live on through you.  I’m a part of you.  I love you.
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http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/08/dear-mommy-letter-heaven/

6 Years

Still.....

Wanting- You here with us on earth and in my arms.
Missing- Everything about you and who you would be today.
Wondering- What you would look like and your likes and dislikes.
Wishing- I could turn back time to have you in my arms again.  Hold you longer, kiss you more, and take you all in.
Loving- You forever and always.
Waiting- Until that glorious day when I can see and hold you again.

Happy 6th birthday in Heaven sweet boy.   9/5/11
I'm loving and missing you intensely.  My heart aches for you still.
I love you forever and always.
Momma

My Reality: Planning doesn't always get you what you want/dream for.

I Planned For...I Got.I planned for mommy groups.

I got baby loss support groups.

I scheduled for bring your baby to yoga classes.

I got unpack your grief yoga workshops.

I hoped for new mommy friends.

I got new mommy friends with dead babies like me.

I thought I would get congratulations cards with balloons.

I got condolence cards with sympathy, of course.

I bought diapers, that I won't open.

I have ovulation tests, that I dread having to use.

I saw play dates in my future.

I now have graveyard visits.

I prepared for breastfeeding.

I got engorged breasts instead.

I was dreading sleepless nights.

I get to hide away and sleep all day.

I waited for walks with the stroller through the park.

I get walks with grief instead.

I pictured putting her down for naps.

I get restless nights forever.

I dreamed of holding her in my arms.

Instead, I get to hold her only in my heart.


Written by Lindsey @ www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com

5 years in heaven

5.....you should be a 5 year old, fun, loving, very energetic  boy running around in our home chasing after your siblings.
The hurt & pain are still immensely felt. There are no words to describe it.
I just can't believe 5 years have gone by since I held & kissed your beautiful face.
I love & miss you so very much! Your sister & brother speak your name & know you are a huge part of our family. Oh, how it breaks my heart to hear your sister say she wants you to come to our house and play. She says she wants to see you and hug you. I do too sweetie, me too! Sissy can't wait for your birthday party. She sees your cake decorations and says its for Aidyn's birthday party. What she doesn't quite understand yet is you will not physically be "here" for it. Ugh.....its so very hard!
I love you forever baby boy! My heart aches for you and always will because your the piece of my heart that lives in heaven.
Happy 5th birthday in heaven! I know it will be a glorious day rejoicing with Jesus, angels, all the other babies, & your relatives.
Hugs & kisses sweet boy
Love you to heaven and back
Momma