I have a lot to be thankful for even though my heart is in heaven. Most of all, I am very thankful for Aidyn Clare. Thankful for being his mother and carrying him in my womb for 39 weeks and 4 days. It's hard living without him!
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, and when I reach heaven, my baby you'll still be!
I love you Aidyn Clare! <3 Mommy
1. My new normal is waking up every morning to silence and thinking of my son.
2. My new normal is wondering when I will feel happiness again.
3. My new normal is visiting my son at his grave everyday.
4. My new normal is asking why? and what if?
5. My new normal is being angry that others get to have there children and I don't.
6. My new normal is not being able to express my true feelings to others because they don't "get it". I don't want them to think I'm "crazy".
7. My new normal is searching blogs to find others who share the same pain.
8. My new normal is wishing the days away.
9. My new normal is wondering how I'm going to feel from minute to minute.
10. My new normal is being angry when others don't mention Aidyn, but then angry when they want to talk about him as if they know how I feel.
11. My new normal is searching for things to buy to put on his grave, for holidays, and for his birthday.
12. My new normal is wondering how I'm going to live without Aidyn.
13. My new normal is having regrets of things I wish I would have done while I had the chance: change his diaper, bathed him, looked at his whole body, sung to him, rocked him, held him longer, took lots of pictures,
14. My new normal is wishing this was all a really bad dream.
15. My new normal is wondering what he would look like and be doing at 10 weeks and 6 days old, today.
16. My new normal is reading books on grief and finding hope.
17. My new normal is trying to accept my new normal.
18. My new normal is reliving our tragedy everyday.
19. My new normal is feeling excruciating, emotional, pain for the loss of my son, Aidyn Clare whom I love soooo very much.
20. My new normal is being a mother to a baby in heaven and trying to figure out how I can still be a mother here on earth to Aidyn.
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"
Mommy Loves you FOREVER Aidyn Clare! I Miss You every second of everyday!
Two months. I hate how time goes by so fast. I hate feeling that much further away from Aidyn, but then again, we are that much closer to being with him.
We made it through Halloween. We stayed inside and I closed the blinds. I didn't want to see the children all dressed up, much more, the babies. It hurt to not be able to dress Aidyn up or wear the shirt my mom had bought for him, which hangs in his closet. Instead of being able to take him to our parents to show him off our Halloween consisted of visiting him at his resting place. Halloween really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it's Thanksgiving and Christmas that I dread....the emptiness....our hopes and dreams shattered.
I love you Aidyn Clare! You're forever in our hearts! Mommy
I have a lot to be thankful for even though my heart is in heaven. Most of all, I am very thankful for Aidyn Clare. Thankful for being his mother and carrying him in my womb for 39 weeks and 4 days. It's hard living without him! 
