Jesus, Bring the Rain

My new normal.....

1. My new normal is waking up every morning to silence and thinking of my son.

2. My new normal is wondering when I will feel happiness again.

3. My new normal is visiting my son at his grave everyday.

4. My new normal is asking why? and what if?

5. My new normal is being angry that others get to have there children and I don't.

6. My new normal is not being able to express my true feelings to others because they don't "get it".  I don't want them to think I'm "crazy".

7. My new normal is searching blogs to find others who share the same pain. 

8. My new normal is wishing the days away. 

9. My new normal is wondering how I'm going to feel from minute to minute.

10. My new normal is being angry when others don't mention Aidyn, but then angry when they want to talk about him as if they know how I feel.

11. My new normal is searching for things to buy to put on his grave, for holidays, and for his birthday.

12. My new normal is wondering how I'm going to live without Aidyn.

13. My new normal is having regrets of things I wish I would have done while I had the chance: change his diaper, bathed him, looked at his whole body, sung to him, rocked him, held him longer, took lots of pictures,

14. My new normal is wishing this was all a really bad dream.

15. My new normal is wondering what he would look like and be doing at 10 weeks and 6 days old, today.

16. My new normal is reading books on grief and finding hope.

17. My new normal is trying to accept my new normal.

18. My new normal is reliving our tragedy everyday. 

19. My new normal is feeling excruciating, emotional,  pain for the loss of my son, Aidyn Clare whom I love soooo very much.

20. My new normal is being a mother to a baby in heaven and trying to figure out how I can still be a mother here on earth to Aidyn.

I love you Aidyn Clare! Love Mommy