I haven't written in a while because I've been debating on whether to make my blog private or delete it all together. I don't feel like I can totally write all of my thoughts and feelings because I don't want to offend anyone or make people (family, friends) think I'm referring to them. At times I wish only others in the BLM (baby loss mom) community were reading my blogs and not others. I know my feelings are normal, but I know others who haven't lost a child would not understand and think I'm insane.
Do any of you other BLM's have any suggestions?
Well, we survived one of our firsts without Aidyn. Christmas was especially hard. Last year on Christmas morning we found out we were pregnant with Aidyn. That was the best gift ever! We were so excited, but also very cautious because of our miscarriage that we had three months before. Little did we know, our hearts would be torn to pieces in ten months and our lives would be turned upside down.
This Christmas we went to church and celebrated Jesus's birth. We then came home and closed out the world. We did open gifts that some had given to us in remembrance of Aidyn. I was very grateful for them and so glad they didn't forget him. The worst thing one can do is to forget our baby, Aidyn.
The only gift I wanted was Aidyn. I didn't want to think about how others were gathered together with their families and celebrating with their babies, but how could we not. How unfair it is that we couldn't have our son with us this Christmas. It's a dagger to the heart, twisting, excruciating pain. We went to the cemetery to wish our son a Merry Christ-mas. I wanted so bad to send a sky lantern off in the sky, but it was too windy and it just burnt out. So, this Christ-mas I was thankful for Jesus's birth, God's gift to us, and hoping for him to return very soon so I can hold and be with Aidyn again.
2011 was the best and worst year ever! We hope and pray that 2012 will bring much needed joy into our lives.
I did start a new blog for BLM's. It's called Aidyn's Angels (www.aidynsangels.blogspot.com). I hope to make Angels for other BLM's with their baby's footprints/handprints.
I'll Love you forever baby boy!! mommy
I started out my blog as private, so I could control who could see it. Then when I started finding other BLM's I would "invite" them to see my blog. It still doesn't show up in your news feed even when you are invited so it made it tough to have other mom's read. I eventually went public, but only posted on my private blog what the new address was in hopes that only my friends I had given permission would continue to read and only BLM's could find...I know there are probably some reading I wouldn't like, but the support from the comments I get is more important to me than the privacy. You just need to find what works for you. maybe go private for a little while until you decide what to do....maybe start a new blog site and don't give your friends/family the link...maybe continue what you are doing and just email BLM's with what you have going on...a few personal contacts have been wonderful for me. Maybe a mix of all of it...I hope you find what works for you so this space can be somewhere you can let it all out or there will be a space to let it all out. It's so important that you let it out and not keep it in. Email any time!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your feedback!
DeleteHey Kimmy! Even tho it is hard sometimes, outsiders reading my blog has really helped people understand what this horrible loss is like and how hard it is. I wrote just yesterday that I started my blog for the purpose of having friends and family read and understand what I am going thru but it became to therapeutic that I didnt care what the thought anymore. But it did help them understand a bit and mostly helped people understand that I want to talk about Hayes and that he is important to our family. It did offend them at times but they needed to know what not to do and say. t's a constant struggle but one you will get thru just like the rest of us have. Just do what you are comfortable with and what helps you most. Big hugs!
ReplyDelete