So today is our 3 year anniversary. This is not how it was supposed to be or at least the way we invisioned spending our anniversary....without our son. We thought we had it all planned out. We would buy a house, get married, and start a family. Never thought we would be where we are today, morning the loss of our son. Our life is in God's hands and I accept that. I believe Aidyn is a super happy little boy in heaven and is safe in his permanant "home". Even though I believe this, the selfish/mother part of me still wants to have him here with me.
This week is my first week back to work. It has been going okay. I was afraid of going back because I didn't want my co-workers/parents/children mentioning our loss. Although, today it happened, an innocent child stood in front of me and kept looking at my belly (she had seen me all last year and a few days before I had had him) and then looking up at my face. I knew what was coming. No matter how much I thought I was prepared, I wasn't. She finally asked me about Aidyn. She said, "Where's the baby?" I said, "He's in Heaven with God." She said, "Why did he die?" I got choked up and finally said, "Because his heart stopped working." I couldn't help but start to cry. I walked away and went where she and the other child that was standing beside her could not see me. I got myself together and then was able to present myself again. Luckily, she didn't say anything else about it the rest of the day. I wish this was the last time and only time for this to occur, but I know that there will be otheres, whether it be another child or an adult that never got the memo.
I still feel emptiness and pain. I miss him just as much or even more as I did on Sept. 5th.
I love and miss you Aidyn. Mommy will love you Forever!
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