Someone Like You

This song really doesn't have anything to do with our angel, Aidyn, but some of the lyrics remind me of him.  This song is the first song Scott heard after his passing and mine as well.  It came on when I got in the car to go home from the hospital.  It will always be a reminder of that day.  The following lines of the lyrics have meaning to me:

That you found a girl and you're married now.

I heard that your dreams came true.

(I wonder who Aidyn would have married and I only hoped all of his dreams would have come true)

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me it isn't over.

(I only wish I could have seen his eyes.  I wish he could have seen my face.  I'm thankful for being able to see his.  He is the most beautiful child I have ever seen...angelic)

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

(I never thought I would have had a child so perfect.  Having him was a miracle! I still wish nothing but the best for Aidyn)

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday was the time of our lives

(My pregnancy and his birth was the best times of our lives!)

Bound by the surprise of our glory days

(We never knew something so small and pure could bring such happiness in our lives)

Don't forget me, I beg

(I hope and pray (I know he won't forget me, but it's so hard to process) he doesn't forget me and he's the first one I meet in Heaven.)

Nothing compares

No worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes

They are memories made.

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

(I have no regrets.  We have a lot of memories with Aidyn, just not the ones we had imagined to have.  His presence was momentary and we are in pain and feel empty, but he is so happy in Heaven right now with God)

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

(Our love for him is so strong and indescribable.  We now know how much love can hurt.)

Going shopping is hard. Instead of looking for toys to buy for Aidyn, we look for items we think would be nice to put on his grave.  This is so difficult.  Everything is a reminder of what could have been.  Everywhere there is a reminder of Aidyn's future.  No matter what, everywhere I turn there is a reminder.  My heart is broken into pieces.  I'm  a mother yearning for her child to love here on earth.  It's very difficult, but I must find ways to love him and care for him in Heaven. 

The holidays are going to be very difficult.  I'm already thinking about how empty it is going to feel without him here for all of the holidays, especially Christmas.  We are going to miss out on a lot.  We don't have the joy of buying him gifts to open up on Christmas morning.  Instead, we can only buy something for him in remembrance of him. 

I already dread Mother's day.  I know I'm a mother and I'm very proud to be Aidyn's mother!! He is mine and such a wonderful gift from God.  No matter how painful it is to have him gone, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, especially if it meant I could hold and kiss him again.  Oh how I miss him in my arms!

14Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.

Matthew 19:14

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, and when I reach Heaven, my baby you'll still be."  I love you Aidyn Clare! - Mommy